Like Oil and Water

'What is meant for you will reach you even if it's beneath two mountains. What isn't meant for you, won't reach you even if it is between your two lips'

This is the verse I remind myself when I run into bad times. It comforts the anxiety of the pits of my stomach, it makes my heart breathe a little easier.

Trials and tribulations of life will not cease as you get older. At times even experience, the 'big there, done that' jargon fall short to rescue you. It's not the situation but more how you react to it, is what matters. Or so I've been told. And react I did.

A puzzling situation,  unforgivable to most, stood right in front of me and stared at me in the eye. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to do the right despite knowing my inevitable pain. Probably out of defeat or being well aware of the fact that there really was no way around it. Damage it is, I was the one picking up the pieces and getting cut at the same time.

Strange people happen in your 20s. They drag you into stranger situations and before you know it, you're entangled in that web. You question the point and purpose to no end. No answer is an answer by itself.  You know cobwebs. Invisible. You walk through them and it clings to you. No matter how hard you try to pry it off you, you can still feel the remains.

I was in such a web about a month ago. I let go and almost instantly found my sorry self leaning on a shoulder that I didn't notice was there. One that lurked in the shadows. I was grieving and still hadn't noticed. There were black clouds looming over me, my feet dragging that abominable lull like chains. So easy to destroy something so fragile that nursing it back means more aches and pains. You wince at the thought of it. Forgiveness is no longer an option, It's a choice one has to make. Reaching that choice would only further your pain. A little suffering to ease your selfish soul is most likely a sin itself. Again, there was no giving more than I already had. I chose to be greedy for my betterment.

Some one opened a door behind me, grabbed my hand and yanked me through. Funny, the way things work, you miss a chance so closely while only later on you realise what was right in front of you. May be the door behind me was what I was meant to stop and look at. I smile meekly in an attempt to repair myself from the cords that unravelled. But I was already feeling better. Relieved precisely speaking, I could breathe again without being choked up.

I know that I am safe. I know that I will be okay.


*****

To all those who are worried about my well being or were wondering about my absence from the blog, I'm absolutely fine. Took a break to clear my head and heart of some emotional turmoil that took momentum couple of weeks ago but thankfully that has ebbed. I'm recovering fast and well. I'm blessed with well-wishers, friends who are family to me and of course, family itself. Hope this Ramadan is treating you all well. 

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Book Review : Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

Pages :  337

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.34/5

Review:  I'm not one to like a sloppy love story. Ironic, you say , as most of the books I have reviewed have been predominant romantic in element. In my justification , I pick up books that have obstacles in them. 

 

This book is about attraction, physical attraction. Tate Collins has no time for love. Miles Archer does not want love. The perfect setup for ' just sex '. Miles has two rules - Never ask about the past and Don't expect a future. They think they can handle it. But what happens when they realize they can't. * DUN DUN DUN*

Knowing my generation well , I see this as a relatable topic for most girls and guys. Some of them do successfully manage to put feelings aside completely. This book elaborates that to Tate's perspective and Miles' perspective. So you can see and comprehend what a girl in this situation is feeling and thinking and vice versa. This is not a 50 Shades of Grey archetype! It does have a very high amount of explicit content but what is poignant are the feelings that are proceeding parallel to the deeds.

The back-story of either of the characters and the reasons why they indulge is heart breaking.  Get ready to shed some tears! You will feel the pain and annoyance at the same time. The guilt looms over and  will hit you as a reader. Such a riveting read, I sacrificed sleep to finish this.  Most Goodreads reviewers have absolutely loved this book and rated it a full 5 stars. Also a nominee in this year's Goodreads Choice Awards in the Romance category.

Since the central component  of this novel is sex , this book has been placed under the new adult. Personally I feel its more suited for the adult contemporary genre. Nonetheless , every girl and guy should read this at some point. 

Final Rating: 4.5/5

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Book Review : Making Faces by Amy Harmon

Pages :  405

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.46/5

               

Review: Everyone loves an underdog. I personally love it when I expect a book to be sloppy but ends up really impacting me. This was one of them. Just like Perks of Being a Wallflower , If I Stay , Letters to the Dead etc there are ample YA coming-of-age novels that have tried to twist and turn around the same or similar plot lines. As mentioned earlier on my blog , not all of them manage to successfully deliver.

I probably have digressed when I say this book , on reading the synopsis ,is not similar in story but there may be likeness on the plot front. 

The story is set in a small town from where five young men go to war and only one returns completely distort and damaged.

Ambrose Young was beautiful , strong , handsome , enough to make any girl swoon. Fern Taylor was right the opposite and has been secretly in love with him ever since she was ten. She tries her best to reach out to a ruined Ambrose knowing that his beauty is more than skin deep. The prime focus of the story is loss. Collective loss , loss of faith , loss of beauty , loss of love , loss in every explorable way possible. The reason why I put it in the league of coming-of-age novel is because it also about acceptance of difference and oneself. 

I devoured this book , all of it's 400-something pages, just in one day. 

Fair warning. This is not a happy book. I was one of those believers who thought fiction can't make me cry. Boy! Was I wrong! All the emotions and agitation felt by Ambrose and the town people is true to life. Amy Harmon's writing is simple yet powerful enough to hit nerves. Not to be confused , this book is not just a teary read. It does have it's light-hearted ,lovable moments along with it's fair share of grown up issues. I got into this book knowing and also assuming it to be just another Young Adult. After endearing this heart-tugging affair , I reconsidered  this to be more of an adult book ( May be because subconsciously I knowing YA is not always taken seriously). Considering that a book is deemed 'Adult' for high sexual content or for the age of the characters , It would be foolish to assume this book won't give you the feels if you were well above the YA age bar.

All of Amy Harmon's books are well rated and loved on Goodreads. Barring one or two , the rest of her works are rated well above a 4 with Making Face being the highest. Majority of Goodreads reviewers have rated this a 5 stars. However, I took one down for what you may think as stupid reasons - The book title and book cover. Sometimes you can''t help but judge a book by a cover. This reflects more as a romance novel at first glance. Very little in the book is connected to the title, nonetheless , I can see the deeper meaning behind it. The black and white cover does salvage it to some extent.

 Another one that I would read ,re-read and savour in the years to come.

Final Rating : 4/5

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Blue

Artist : Audrey DeFord

I see you in blue.

With all your hair cut off, 

I see you in blue.

On a dark star-less night,

Waiting for something you haven't called for,

Seeking for something you haven't summoned for,

Looking for something that has no idea you are waiting for,

On a windless night.

I see you in blue.

A Persian blue that washes you out,

Highlights the whirlpools of your eyes,

On a moonless night,

I see you in blue.

Time is slipping by, 

The eerie silence of the night,

You don't cease to bide your time,

And I still see you in blue.

Searching

He looks at the analog clock on his phone , pacing his steps around. Guess she's running late. From a corner she appears, blonde hair flopping on her shoulders. He smiles halfheartedly.  Tries his best to make it seem genuine knowing very well that he'd fail miserably. A flashback over comes him. He was fine all this while. Or so he thought. Somewhere inside a part of him wanted it to be that girl with red hair.

'Hi,' blonde hair says. ' Hey how are you ? ' He says.

They begin walking. He feels no urge to hold her hand like he had done with Her. They sit. They talk. He doesn't comprehend a thing this one says.  This one flips her hair and rolls her eyes a lot. It doesn't faze him. This one looks straight at him with her green eyes whenever she talks as if she was trying to put a spell on him to control him. Green , not warm chestnut brown like Hers.

This one doesn't talk about her literary adventures with child-like excitement. This one doesn't talk about her love for dark romanticism. This one doesn't look at him with brave innocence. This one wasn't weird. Well , that's a good thing right? Then why was he looking for it ?

They get up and start walking towards his car. This one is tall , not 5 ft 4 inches and petite like Her. 

They drive to his house , walk into his bedroom. He tries to make minimum effort to tidy his room for his new guest. This one kicks her shoes off and climbs into his bed suggestively.  He follows suit. There are no candles lit like he had done for Her. No neatly made bedspreads like he had for Her. No tenderness with this one like he had done for Her.

She takes her clothes off revealing smooth flawless skin. No mole on the right side of her neck and between her breasts like Hers. No tattooed verses on the left side of her ribs like Her. No severe scars slicing the back of her arm , hips , elbow  and shoulder. Like Her.

With mechanical movements he gives into lust . Intimacy was only with Her. They climax , finish up, she turns and falls into deep slumber. He doesn't even try to put an arm under her pillow like he had done with Her. He doesn't moves her hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear like he had done with Her. He doesn't hold this one through the night like he had done with Her. 

He can't sleep. He doesn't even try to fight it. The sun rises , she wakes up and puts on her clothes 'That was fun,' she says ' Should do this again.'  ' Yeah' he murmurs.

She leaves. He closes his eyes and succumbs to his memories.

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Book Review : Every Day by David Levithan

Pages :  322

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4/5

Review :  Oh. My. God. This book was so unexpectedly beautiful that even now writing about it makes my heart heavy. Of course I picked it up for the unique story line. Little did I expect it to have such a lasting impression on me.

A is a person who wakes up in a new body everyday from the time he was born. We aren't told A's gender or age or any details of him that may define him as an individual. He has no friends , no idea where his family is and confides in no one about his condition. Until one day he wakes up in 17 year old Justin's body and meets his girlfriend Rhiannon and falls in love with her immediately.

There are plenty of YA fantasy and dystopian authors with the most compelling and mind boggling plot line but not many have been this poignant. 

This book is real. The situations that arise in this book are all relatable. A struggles in professing his love for Rhiannon and most of the time though Rhiannon eventually accepts it , the everyday changes in A makes it really difficult for her to be in a  consistent relationship. There are days when A becomes a woman , on those days he ( assuming ) notices that Rhiannon keeps a slight distance from him. There are days when A  may be an older guy , a disabled person , an obese teenager , a metal head , a maid , an alcoholic, a drug addict. He's lost count of all the people he has been , all the areas he has been in. But somehow , although not always he manages to make an effort and tries to be with Rhiannon and every time she sees him she needs to process who exactly he is ever so frequently. As a protagonist, A doesnt whine or constantly complaining about his condition , he has a very clear strategy to which he strictly adheres to and truly tries to  take the day as it comes.

The helplessness of the situation is heartbreaking but true. Just like in our day-to-day life ,we may have come across people who we really wish had stayed but it just didn't happen.This book primarily and on the whole questions the choices we make , who we are and what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. Time being an essential component in the novel also makes you realize the value of being just ordinary , of being just okay.

Seeing that most love stories , great love stories included, have either ended in cliched triumph or in death , this is one story where it has been abandoned due to situation, which genuinely and realistically tells you that love cannot conquer it all. So don't be surprised by the slightly philosophical shades in the book. 

Since the main topic is about not being able to have a fixed body of their own , the relationship between A and Rhiannon is very tender. There aren't a whole lot of times when Rhiannon has been physically attracted to him and A is hesitant in being intimate with her because he feels using someone else's body would be morally wrong. 

Rumor has it that David Levithan is set to publish a sequel to this book in 2015. Although the urge to know what will happen next and what other avenues A might explore in order to control his condition and be with Rhiannon  , I see this book as an excellent stand-alone. Yes , most readers might be annoyed by the fact that not a lot has been justified and all  arisen questions may have been left unanswered but that's the beauty of it! 

I personally feel that this book would be excellent for a book club discussion. The opinions and views that each one would have would be extremely diverse with a tinge of one's own philosophical essence. Some would want to nit pick on every detail and explore the driving force behind A's actions and some would want to try to work within the situation. A likely chance that an array of opinions would highlight  every possible angle in the story. Either way this book is a must read for all. Highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. 

Final Rating : 5/5

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Torment

She lies in her bed wide awake. 2:58 am. Tormented by his thoughts. He's 3 hours behind . What would he be doing right now? Out may be , or just getting back home from a night out, tipsy and ready for thoughtless sleep.

She turns to her side , picks her phone from her bedside table and looks at the only picture she has of them together. Her auburn hair looks almost black, his blond hair seems almost platinum. The two evidence of their night starkly visible on his neck.

 That night still vivid in her mind like it happened just yesterday. Every moment stuck to her skin like oil and the undying  tender determination of the candle flame that lasted the night. It would be 8 months since she first met him , 8 months since she was broken. Now she was fixed but still not whole.

From the first glimpse they knew there was no turning back. They just couldn't. The anxious excitement to see each other refused to leave their nerves , the butterflies in their stomachs wouldn't stop fluttering for a moment and in those moments weeks passed by.

Now these memories wipe the smile off her face and inflict heartache. A sweet pain pulsates in her as though a shard of glass is stuck under her skin. Her mind goes back to what he might be doing. May be he is with someone new. Tall , slender , graceful , poised. The kind whose presence exudes radiance. Tangled in her arms , she'd drink up the deep pools of ocean of his eyes and he would let her as though he's at the mercy of a goddess. And here , half a world away , she's still where she was, the very thought of a stranger's touch reaching out to her makes her skin crawl.

She kicks her blanket away and walks to her mirror. She had lost a lot of weight in the past few weeks. Her skin looks dull and grey. Her eyes enveloped in darkness. Her once metallic red hair now lack luster.
 She closes her eyes and prays in her heart ' Ya Allah , What next? How much longer?'

                                                                   

                                                                            *

The day's work is over. He hangs around by the ocean aimlessly , letting his feet control him and take him wherever they wished. He's a wanderer , a nomad. In 8 months, he's gone about 4 or more places. You mustn't get attached. You keep moving. But what happens you lose your heart and mind so quickly it's like sanding slipping from your fingers. You just can't control it , it slips faster. 

The sun is soon to set. The soft breeze whispers ' Kashmiri apple' in his ears. He could almost hear it smile. He looks on , trying to escape the face that haunts his memories. A  sweet lingering aftertaste he's still reeling from. 

He never would have imagined her to be this fragile the first time he saw her, tiny , like a bird with a broken wing. How much he missed her nimble fingers. Even when she casually touched him , it was enough to make him wiggle. When she slipped her hands in his shirt , he'd try his best to stay still. When he kissed her , he caught her fingers and guided them to feel his racing pulse. That morning , when he pulled her palm to his cheek and slept soundly.

He couldn't forget how she would stand on her toes to kiss him and still be unable to reach him, how she snuggled closer to him in the middle of the night and sleepily murmured ' baby , I'm getting bad dreams' , how she would close her eyes and nod her head whenever he asked her something.

The memories overwhelm him , he shakes his head but his ears are still ringing. The sun is setting filling him with gloom. 'I will find my way to you and we will be together I promise you this' he makes a silent vow to no one. 

*

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