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Saturday, 30 May 2015

Perceived Mistresses and Married men

I guess I needed some serious shaking up when I just analyzed and found out majority of my friends are all much older to me. Lately the people I've been casually chatting with are all men much above my age but me being frivoulous or foolish free-spirit ( call it what you may ) I don't think of consequences, unless I foresee it to happen rather too soon.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one to roll my eyes (LIES!)  at the 'marriage talk'. Considering now that I am approaching a certain age, the gossip spreads like wildfire more among relations than anywhere else. My problem here is of a different kind. Ignorance is bliss as they say and at times we never think such-and-such thing could ever happen to us. Until it does. 

Two words. Married. Men.

Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify I am NOT talking about affairs. But hey, interest taken can be misinterpreted in several ways. Easy to slander regardless. 

There are two sides to this, like every story. There are friends you have know since the being of time who get hitched and then there are those who become friends while they are sailing in the ' I'm married ' vessel. The former = no troubles. The latter however, cause of all troubles.

One of my closest girlfriends is getting married in under a month and I'm the one losing my sh*t. ( No, I don't have diarrhea, thankyouverymuch )  It's because I feel like I'm about to lose something. Relationships equations change, priorities change and I'm praying desperately she doesn't become one of those people who starts suggesting marriage to anyone one of us with zero prospects. ( JK Bluwis ).

Naturally, the people surrounding my work area are mostly men. Married men, to be precise. A casual cup of tea and a catch up seems harmless to us, but not to the world around us. If my momma was to find out, I'd be slapped right in the face. Because good women don't befriend married men.

It doesn't always strike me that the mere exchange of words in the same room can be misled to believe that something is on -going. Believe me when I say, I'm just a friend. Till that side of their life is well concealed, I don't tend to pay much attention to it. At times, when I do learn the fact that they are married, I gradually pull away. By then it dawns on me that what I've done was probably not  wrong but not right either. Lets just say it wasn't appropriate. Part of me says why not? You were just friends. Can't married people have single female friends?

Can they really have single female friends? Newly made friends I mean.

While researching on the topic, I read words of caution from women AND MEN saying that if your hubby is spending time or talking a lot about a new friend of the opposite sex, you've got to be careful. When I read it that way it does make it sound like something's up. Although from the other side, the woman might have been a genuine friend and nothing more.

My conscious only starts to tug on me when I'm introduced to the wife herself. I begin to think, what would I do if I were her? How would I feel if my husband went on and on about a woman, a young one that too. Hurtful, isn't it? Even when you've managed to spending so many trusting years and do not want to begin being the nosy, nagging wife, still the mind can't stop racing. A mountain is made of a mole hill. Or may be the root cause was me from the very beginning.

'But we were just friends!'  The opposing side of me says. A mistress is well hidden, but not a friend.
It could be highly possible that doubt might also make it impossible to give friendship a fair shot among the two women.

It's amazing to see how fragile relationships are and  to nurture them, we treat them with utmost tenderness. We try our best not to falter. Sometimes it just happens.

خُدا حافِظ

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