Top 5 Books of 2014

What a fantastic year of reading! Agreed that 2014 flew by and was probably not my best year , I owe a debt of gratitude to all the literary adventures I went on which made this year endurable.

I don't , nor ever , have had any resolutions. However this year, the upcoming year precisely , I have decided to do the  ' Top 5 Wednesday ' tag starting from today. Basically , every week a new genre or theme will be added to the Top 5 Favourites list (which will have its own category on the blog) and will be posted every Wednesday .  This week's Top 5 coincidentally falls on New Year's Eve. Perfect timing I'd say ! So here are my most favourite books that I read in 2014.

5)  Every Day by David Leviathan 

This book wounded me emotionally. The helplessness of the situation , the inability to have control over life and the attachment I had with the nameless , faceless , gender-less character ' A ' was heart wrenching.  There is a slight philosophical bend underlining the plot that is not overly preaching yet gets you thinking - Can you really choose between the heart and the mind?  A full fledged review is up on the blog.

4) Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami 

A cult classic , Murakami weaves a poignant coming of age tale. Each character well-rooted and dynamic with their own internal conflicts , this is one contemporary novel that no one should miss.

3) Making Faces by Amy Harmon

I cannot talk about this book enough. Such an unexpected emotional roller coaster ride. Mostly this book revolves around the different kinds of loss we feel , especially loss of beauty and how the characters cope with it. Several points in the book make you reflect on the multifaceted aspect of 'beauty' and personal conflicts regarding it.Detailed review is up on the blog too.

2) 1984 by George Orwell

Most people who have read this book have deemed it as 'mind boggling ' or 'weird' and couldn't digest the concept. I come under the opposite category of people successfully frightened by this book. Orwell has envisioned a dyspotian world so evil and controlling that you would think even moving your arm or leg unnecessarily would get you into trouble beyond your worst nightmare. A society built entirely on fear and oppression with no way out. Hands-down a pioneer in the dystopian genre.

1) The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Who would have thought a 100-odd page book would hit me so hard?! My father had been pestering me to read this for a while now and since this isn't fiction, I guess that's why I took so long to get to it. BOY! Did I miss out! For something that was written in the 1920s,  this book's suitability has stood the test of time.  More than just a read , its mostly a life guide on human conditions like love , marriage , children , giving , trade , crime , laws , freedom , passion , religion , pain , death so on and so forth, it answers everything in minimum words relevant to every generation. Anyone and everyone should own a copy of this.

                                                                     *

Phew! Narrowing down your favourite books to just 5 is a real challenge. I wish I could mention each and every title that I read and loved this year.
Year-endings always manage to make me somber and reflective. This year was a real challenge for me and I am proud of being able to triumph it. Bad experiences make great life lesson and most lessons were learnt in 2014.
On the bright side , I did get my blog up and running. For all those who read my rant-y posts and support me nonetheless , I can't thank you enough.

See you all on the other side!

Love.

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

Pages :  337

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.34/5

Review:  I'm not one to like a sloppy love story. Ironic, you say , as most of the books I have reviewed have been predominant romantic in element. In my justification , I pick up books that have obstacles in them. 

 

This book is about attraction, physical attraction. Tate Collins has no time for love. Miles Archer does not want love. The perfect setup for ' just sex '. Miles has two rules - Never ask about the past and Don't expect a future. They think they can handle it. But what happens when they realize they can't. * DUN DUN DUN*

Knowing my generation well , I see this as a relatable topic for most girls and guys. Some of them do successfully manage to put feelings aside completely. This book elaborates that to Tate's perspective and Miles' perspective. So you can see and comprehend what a girl in this situation is feeling and thinking and vice versa. This is not a 50 Shades of Grey archetype! It does have a very high amount of explicit content but what is poignant are the feelings that are proceeding parallel to the deeds.

The back-story of either of the characters and the reasons why they indulge is heart breaking.  Get ready to shed some tears! You will feel the pain and annoyance at the same time. The guilt looms over and  will hit you as a reader. Such a riveting read, I sacrificed sleep to finish this.  Most Goodreads reviewers have absolutely loved this book and rated it a full 5 stars. Also a nominee in this year's Goodreads Choice Awards in the Romance category.

Since the central component  of this novel is sex , this book has been placed under the new adult. Personally I feel its more suited for the adult contemporary genre. Nonetheless , every girl and guy should read this at some point. 

Final Rating: 4.5/5

 خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : The Nidhi Kapoor Story by Saurabh Garg

Pages :  316

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.39/5

Review: I have often wondered can there ever be a fool-proof crime? What pushes a person to do the ultimate and irreversible act of killing? Just like most book lovers , I have spent several teenage years reading crime fiction and loved every moment of it.

The Nidhi Kapoor Story is no less of a page turner. Right from the first page till the end of there wasn't a single  droopy spell.

Leading actress Nidhi Kapoor is set to shoot her most anticipated film when her pets are found brutally murdered along with an  anonymous letter threatening her and her family. ACP Prakash Mohile and Rujuta Singh , a photojournalist , take lead in the investigation but soon get ensnared in the perilous events.

Like I mentioned previously , the story kicks off from the very beginning. The pace is ideal with no time wasted on dilly dally. The author has successfully managed to layer the on going incidents with some back story or history about the human and concrete characters. Every additional element is precisely in sync with the continuing  timeline sans brain wracking. Garg has left no stone unturned in his research. The Bombay film fraternity paints a glorious and extravagant  picture of their dedication in film-making masking all the filth , vulgarity , manipulation and dirty politics persisting behind the silver screen. A very raw yet refreshing expose. None of the crime scenes are short of details , gruesome descriptions which I feel is necessarily for the reader to fathom the severity of the situation.

However , As much as my love for descriptive writing goes , there are several instances when there was an abundance of detail exceeding requirement. Prakash and Rujuta tend to overthink which does diminish their intellect and made me question their competence. Since the duo were handling such a high-profile case , pressing and pestering questions , I feel ,would be protocol.  The climax was a tad bit too corny for me with all the dedication to ACP Prakash Mohile whose presence was needed but was lukewarm. The character that stood  out strongest although it might have been just a backdrop was Ronak - the Kapoor's pride and joy , keeper of all their secrets , past and present.

Overlooking that , for a maiden venture,  Saurabh Garg has packed a punch in this riveting read.  The language is kept rapid and simple .Despite being 300-odd pages long , the urge to scurry through this book in one go would be hard to suppress.

Final Rating : 3.5 / 5

خُدا حافِظ

Why I'm a Woman of Questionable Character

Painting by Thomas Saliot

After a night-out , at 4 in the morning I end up at a friend's house for more drinks. Drowsiness ( or tipsy-ness) catches up. I yawn and am ready to crash.

' I have a spare toothbrush If you need one' he says,

' Oh that's alright. I have my own ' I say and pull one out of my bag.

' You have a toothbrush with you?! That means you're a slut '

' A What?!?!'

' A slut. Means you were going to crash somewhere'  he says.

Hmmmmmmmm.

So now I'm a slut just for carrying my toothbrush around on a pre-planned night-out that all my friends knew of.

Now that I ponder on it, I am in fact , as deemed , a 'slut'. I go where I like, I dress rather provocatively whenever I head out. My hair is an unnatural shade of red. I once had my eyebrow , tongue and navel pierced. Controversial personal choices decodes for 'slut' or 'hooker' by itself.
I gossip with my girlfriends about who's hot , who's cute , who's doable and who's not , and all sorts of stereotypical depraved behaviour.

If a woman has a sexual appetite or lives the lifestyle equivalent to that of a 'player' , she's a slut by default. If she's an older woman , she's a cougar. If she is wearing a fitted leopard print dress then that translate as kinkiness that could make a man's teenage wet dreams come true.

Ironically , the guy with the spare toothbrush , who might have been mostly or even half expecting sex is not labelled anything.  But I'm a slut. I'm a slut for choosing to wear red lipstick and smoldering kohl during the day. I'm desperate if I desire a male body to sleep beside me tonight.

Sadly , I have no shame, I'm not at all bothered by old-dusted-off-to-look-new title that I recently acquired. Foolishly I thought now that I'm an adult , all this would stop and prior to this there hadn't been an echo of it either.

Henceforth I shall proudly put on my proclaimed  'SLUT ' sash and crown, smoke a cigarette as I would on a normal day and ash on your misogyny-crafted shoes.

خُدا حافِظ

*Disclaimer: This post is purely satirical however the catalyst incident was true to life. The post was written to highlight how hurtful it is to call a girl a 'slut' and is not a matter that can be joked about or a word to throw around casually.

I've Cheated

Have you ever started out a book and found yourself drifting after a set number of pages? We've all been there. Sometime the last 100 pages in a book really change your perspective 'Hey , that wasn't so bad'. Then you rate it 3 on 5 stars on Goodreads. A happy medium. Readable , endurable but just once.

I did hit a wall this time. It was Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy. Yup. I cheated on a suitable boy. (pun intended). Okay . Jokes apart. This book one of the finest works in Indian Literature. Critics have loved , my friends have stated this as one of their favourite books ever. (Even tagged it on their Top Ten Books list that was circulating social media). However , I am just 700 pages deep into it and I have put it down. For now ( promise!).

I have never done this before. Yes,  I have loitered around my fair share of terrible books and still have managed to finish them in all fairness but this I felt was taking too long to reach the intensity to which it would have been a sure-fire page-turner for me.

This book is massive. 1399 pages. One of the longest works published in one volume in English. Do not mistake me, Seth is commendable poet and writer. I remember being thoroughly delighted whenever we would start learning his poems in school.  Yet I struggle.

I don't intend to pinpoint here , more to show an example. There are times when book bloggers , booktubers and even literary enthusiast have wanted to jump to the core of the book. There are time when even reading it beyond 10 pages seems like such a task. In order to avoid any bias , we dive into it regardless. Largely and sometimes even pretentiously , I have managed to  muster up all the enthusiasm I could find and decide to go on with it.

Most people would say this is completely normal and understandable. Some would say 'what's the big deal?'. I can't help but feel like I am cheating myself and the author.

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : Making Faces by Amy Harmon

Pages :  405

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.46/5

               

Review: Everyone loves an underdog. I personally love it when I expect a book to be sloppy but ends up really impacting me. This was one of them. Just like Perks of Being a Wallflower , If I Stay , Letters to the Dead etc there are ample YA coming-of-age novels that have tried to twist and turn around the same or similar plot lines. As mentioned earlier on my blog , not all of them manage to successfully deliver.

I probably have digressed when I say this book , on reading the synopsis ,is not similar in story but there may be likeness on the plot front. 

The story is set in a small town from where five young men go to war and only one returns completely distort and damaged.

Ambrose Young was beautiful , strong , handsome , enough to make any girl swoon. Fern Taylor was right the opposite and has been secretly in love with him ever since she was ten. She tries her best to reach out to a ruined Ambrose knowing that his beauty is more than skin deep. The prime focus of the story is loss. Collective loss , loss of faith , loss of beauty , loss of love , loss in every explorable way possible. The reason why I put it in the league of coming-of-age novel is because it also about acceptance of difference and oneself. 

I devoured this book , all of it's 400-something pages, just in one day. 

Fair warning. This is not a happy book. I was one of those believers who thought fiction can't make me cry. Boy! Was I wrong! All the emotions and agitation felt by Ambrose and the town people is true to life. Amy Harmon's writing is simple yet powerful enough to hit nerves. Not to be confused , this book is not just a teary read. It does have it's light-hearted ,lovable moments along with it's fair share of grown up issues. I got into this book knowing and also assuming it to be just another Young Adult. After endearing this heart-tugging affair , I reconsidered  this to be more of an adult book ( May be because subconsciously I knowing YA is not always taken seriously). Considering that a book is deemed 'Adult' for high sexual content or for the age of the characters , It would be foolish to assume this book won't give you the feels if you were well above the YA age bar.

All of Amy Harmon's books are well rated and loved on Goodreads. Barring one or two , the rest of her works are rated well above a 4 with Making Face being the highest. Majority of Goodreads reviewers have rated this a 5 stars. However, I took one down for what you may think as stupid reasons - The book title and book cover. Sometimes you can''t help but judge a book by a cover. This reflects more as a romance novel at first glance. Very little in the book is connected to the title, nonetheless , I can see the deeper meaning behind it. The black and white cover does salvage it to some extent.

 Another one that I would read ,re-read and savour in the years to come.

Final Rating : 4/5

خُدا حافِظ

Alone

Have you ever felt alone as a woman? No I'm not talking about the missing piece or emptiness. Alone from feeling unsupported. Despite facing scores of issues by yourself. Overcoming them makes you feel strong , independent. makes you brave and proud of yourself.
What happens when you have been this way every single day of your life? What if one day I just want to be myself. I don't want to strong. I don't want to be brave and put up a front.

You don't have to be hit or named called to feel abused. The countless eyeballs that gawk at you with the most deprave smirks on their faces. You know this situation. You've been there ever since you were 12. Then why despite all those years of experience you shudder. Paranoia clouds your mind. You do the whole cycle again. Pretend, ignore and keep walking.

Then why last night when I was already programmed to go through this same cycle , tears swarmed my eyes?

On several occasions I have been accompanied by my father. It hurts even when he tells me 'ignore them'. What can you do except ignore? Till how long can you ignore?

I'm waiting for a friend. I'm alone. I light a cigarette to kill time. Bad idea. People are staring at me even more with judgments running in their eyes. I give them a reason to stare. Or did I?
I feel darkness surround me. I'm alone. Well , not really. Someone is following me. There are people around but still I am followed. I'm praying hard my friend shows up any minute now.

Some days I think fuck society and it's norms. I will do as I like. I dye my hair colours of the rainbow. I get stared at. It's just hair, nothing provocative! My eyeliner gets darker and thicker. I still get stared at. It's just kohl! What's the big deal! I wore kurtas and salwar kameez  everyday. I got stared at the same. Nothing changed.

It makes me want to scream. In fact , this one time I did scream. I was followed again. For 3 days by a strange car. Day in and day out, where ever I went. I was followed so closely that I could feel my heart pounding in my ears.

Helpless. Ignoring them is as good as encouragement. Fighting it means pushing myself into deeper trouble.

In the sea of ' ignore them ' chants I feel alone. What I want to feel is a safe alone, a comfortable alone, a Utopian alone where I am enveloped by an invisibility guard or safety net so I can be alone as I like.  Alone , so that my boyfriend if he was running late didn't have to worry if I was okay for those 10 minutes that he missed. Alone, so that my mother doesn't have to think much about her sister who is waiting for her driver. Alone , so that my little nieces go to madrasa or school or tuitions walking by themselves.

Hope is slowly slipping from me.

I want to be alone

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Pages :  560

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 3.94/5

Review: I hate hype. Such a damper. Before you conclude that this blog has and probably will bash more books than praise , please hear me out. 

No surprise that this book has been around for a while and has managed to be the most voted in the Goodreads Choice Awards in 2012. Majority of the people who I know have read this loved the creep factor. Unfortunately it failed to scare me.

Don't get me wrong , I love a good psychological thriller , especially if it's Hitchcock-esque. I got excited. Inquisitive me went through this book without reading a single review or comment terrified of spoiler contents. I guess now I can say it wouldn't have made a difference. I found it way too predictable. I sat there clutching this book hoping a brain-exploding thriller with a reasons so complex and deep rooted that it would horrify me. ( Well , to some extent it did )

Part One of the book was slow. Stagnant if I should say but I know that's only to build momentum in the pages to come. So I knew I had to keep going. May be it's due to the fact that me and several other Goodreads reviewers have read ample thrillers, mysteries , Stephen King , Mary Higgins Clark , *Insert favourite mystery author here* , that the clues left in Part One itself were way too stark to ignore.

Part Two gets to the point and really picks up pace. This part I have to say kept me going. I was dying to get to the end and to some extent I can say it wasn't all that disappointing. It did have some favourable twists and turns.

What really bothered and disturbed me aside from the rather crass language  and profanity , was the misogynistic tone in the book. I get it. That was probably required in the story but the feminist in me couldn't ignore the chorus of 'Women are crazy!' statuses and comments that erupted on social media soon after the movie trailer was released. This book is one case. One example. It does not apply to each and every woman out there.

The only way I can see this book is as a dark comedy not really a thriller despite the unexpected end that does mimic a Hitchcock style screenplay but on the whole this book left a bad after-taste. It baffled me. I didn't love it. I didn't hate it either. I did enjoy the mind games. That's about it. Nothing more nothing less. I do certainly agree with a lot of Goodread reviewers that this book was long. Unnecessarily long for the kind of plot this is. It drags more than actually tell whats happening next or what the changes in the scenario are.

Would I recommend this book to everyone? May be just to see what they thought once they were done with it. 

Final Rating : 3/5

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

Pages :  296

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4.02/5

Review: This is my first time reading Murakami. May be I hadn't done my research well but  from the way people talked about Norwegian Wood  and Kafka on Shore I expected something thunderous. Not that this wasn't. 

Everyone loves a good coming-of-age story but not every novel leaves a lasting impression. Perks of Being a Wallflower ( both film and movie ) were successful in my eyes, Norwegian Wood may not be as heartwarming as that.

There's no real plot as such. Just the story of university student , Toru Watanabe  and his dilemmas regarding love , life , depression , sexuality and death. The Goodreads synopsis claims Toru to be preternatural. I would say Toru isn't common , nor is he in anyway special. He's more impulsive in his actions , mainly done to fill in voids that incidents in life has left him with in such an early age.  The way he reacts and deals with situations I would classify as normal. The hopelessness and helplessness of the labyrinth is identifiable. 

Strangely I found myself caring more about the supporting characters than Toru himself. Midori and Hatsumi being my favourite. Most people have pointed out the annoyance of all the characters being self-engaged and constantly talking about their past. A refreshing change from the usual ' I don't know where we stand'  talks. Not all relationships have or need to have a name . Some great relationships become dormant and fade over time and good people end up getting hurt. 

I can't really help describe this book without mentioning the feelings and moods it invoked in me. At first it did start slow like all contemporary novels and then the whirlwind of emotions hits you and then you feel the stagnation of being in a trough. Toru , to me  was like snowfall, quiet but irregular.  Noako was the dampness that followed, Midori was wind on a pleasant day , Reiko was hot green tea.  The book reminded me of sunset, twilight after it had rained all afternoon. It makes you feel warm inside yet gloomy at the same time. It breaks your heart yet makes you feel alive. I guess that is the real reason why just like everyone else I too am a fan.

Now If I haven't contradicted myself enough , I will go ahead and contradict myself more. This book is not for everyone. Despite it selling millions of copies worldwide and rivaling J.K Rowling's new books themselves , I would still feel there is a niche audience that would really love this book. There are several stages in the book that have lead to puzzlement and impending loneliness.  The dark cloud that looms overhead will not go away from a long time and  a gust of wind will not avert it either. Also , I feel I have to mention this , a lot of adult content will be found in this book. In fact , sex , and by that I don't mean passionate love making but sex is a huge partake in the story.

Next ,I'm going to give the movie a chance and watch the characters come to life :)

Final Rating : 4/5

خُدا حافِظ

Crimson Venom

Artist : Sung Jin Kim

She walks down the street all by herself , lost in thought . The sun gleams overhead . She barely notices it and keeps walking . Everyone around her looks at her. It was hard not. She wasn't meant to be lost in the crowd. She always shone, she was born to standout.
She doesn't know this. She doesn't know how her presence itself meant she wasn't ordinary. Beauty lies in modesty. She never thought of herself as pretty yet everyone called her beautiful.
Faces pass her everyday. Some take a fleeting glimpse at her. Some would try to hold her gaze and look into to her soul. Well , they tried. She would let them, let them look into her face , into her hazel eyes. They couldn't resist touching her face. They would reach out for her , touch her skin tenderly, with gentle fingertips they'd caress her cheeks , her chin , her neck , down her back then stop at her waist. They pull her close and steal kisses from her lips.
They can't stop . They want more , hungrily trying to devour her like crumbling a rose in their fists. She can't give in. It feels unnatural, plastic. But they can't stop now. They don't realize that they're getting poisoned. Poisoned by crimson lips, one that makes you crave it more. This venom cannot be purged out of their skin even if they wanted to. Oh but it tastes so sweet , you can't stop yourself from drinking it.
She pushes them away , cuts off supply. Still in their light-headed haze they reach out for her. They want her. They don't know she's not anyone's to keep. She belongs to no one but herself.
She looks up at them with her hazel eyes. , presses a finger to their lips.
They melt.
She walks away. Back into the crowd.

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : The Mistress of Spice by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

Pages :  338

Read on : Physical book

Goodreads Rating : 3.47/5

Review:  I'm very secure with my weirdness as strange as it may sound. But sometimes I can't help wonder what influences ratings on Goodreads. Books that seem to have a good 4 stars often don't go down well enough for me. I seriously detest hype. May be what I seek from a story-line is different from reading casually for leisure.

First , let me be clear. Living in Oman I don't have access to the best bookstores or libraries. I sorely miss Blossoms in Bangalore, Flora Fountain in Bombay and Flipkart ( My wishlist is ridiculously exorbitant tehehehe).

So I make it a point to buy hard copies of Classics and books by Indian authors ( Patriotism!) , fantasy/dystopian YA all go in the kindle. 

On with the review! This is my first time reading Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni and I know it won't be the last. I had watched the movie years ago. Of course , Aishwarya Rai was her stunning self, All in all the film was very lukewarm however the concept seemed to stay with me. A little late in attaining this read but It did not disappoint. 

The plot is as the name suggests. An old woman , Tilo , running a small spices store in Oakland , knows the strength of each and every spice and secretly helps her customers get rid of their woes solely by infusing these spices in their cooking. Of course it doesn't stop there. Since Tilo is a 'Mistress' she lives a very restricted life. She isn't allowed to leave her store come what may , she mustn't use them for her personal need , she must not give in to beauty and most importantly she cannot be unfaithful to the spices. Translation : she must not , cannot fall in love. No points for guessing what happens next!

Majority of reviewers on Goodreads have rated this book with 2 to 3 stars , 4 being rare. Most of these reviewers, especially the ones belonging to the west have stated that this book gives them a peek at the Indian culture.  However , being Indian myself , more appropriately the book gives more insight on the traditional cooking than widely the culture itself.  Each individual spice has been justified in its culinary and metaphoric usage making this quite a fragrant read. Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni does a fantastic job of getting down every detail of the spices that will tantalize your sense. Every page effervescent with their invigorating smell. 

As controller of the spices , Tilo's life is turbulent and initially plagued by issues faced by common rural India - the burden of an unwanted girl-child  and her skin tone being 'dark as mud'.

Personally I feel that in order to convey the aromatic magic of the spices , Divakaruni's poetic, metaphoric style of writing is justifiable. Most reviewers and readers have placed this is a down point stating it as overwhelming, unnecessary and even redundant. I do have to agree with one point though. The end of the story which was a very abrupt halt. You would expect Tilo to suffer some serious consequences for her heart-over-spices choices instead she was left with a very favorable and manageable situation. A bit too perfect for my liking. 

Overall , If you are someone who appreciates literature , enjoys descriptive writing and loves to be engulfed in magical realism, This book is a fantastic read. I can see the desire behind turning this book into a film , although that did happen , The Mistress of Spices is still more a literary adventure than a bewitching adaptation.

Final Rating : 4/5

خُدا حافِظ

Blue

Artist : Audrey DeFord

I see you in blue.

With all your hair cut off, 

I see you in blue.

On a dark star-less night,

Waiting for something you haven't called for,

Seeking for something you haven't summoned for,

Looking for something that has no idea you are waiting for,

On a windless night.

I see you in blue.

A Persian blue that washes you out,

Highlights the whirlpools of your eyes,

On a moonless night,

I see you in blue.

Time is slipping by, 

The eerie silence of the night,

You don't cease to bide your time,

And I still see you in blue.

Searching

He looks at the analog clock on his phone , pacing his steps around. Guess she's running late. From a corner she appears, blonde hair flopping on her shoulders. He smiles halfheartedly.  Tries his best to make it seem genuine knowing very well that he'd fail miserably. A flashback over comes him. He was fine all this while. Or so he thought. Somewhere inside a part of him wanted it to be that girl with red hair.

'Hi,' blonde hair says. ' Hey how are you ? ' He says.

They begin walking. He feels no urge to hold her hand like he had done with Her. They sit. They talk. He doesn't comprehend a thing this one says.  This one flips her hair and rolls her eyes a lot. It doesn't faze him. This one looks straight at him with her green eyes whenever she talks as if she was trying to put a spell on him to control him. Green , not warm chestnut brown like Hers.

This one doesn't talk about her literary adventures with child-like excitement. This one doesn't talk about her love for dark romanticism. This one doesn't look at him with brave innocence. This one wasn't weird. Well , that's a good thing right? Then why was he looking for it ?

They get up and start walking towards his car. This one is tall , not 5 ft 4 inches and petite like Her. 

They drive to his house , walk into his bedroom. He tries to make minimum effort to tidy his room for his new guest. This one kicks her shoes off and climbs into his bed suggestively.  He follows suit. There are no candles lit like he had done for Her. No neatly made bedspreads like he had for Her. No tenderness with this one like he had done for Her.

She takes her clothes off revealing smooth flawless skin. No mole on the right side of her neck and between her breasts like Hers. No tattooed verses on the left side of her ribs like Her. No severe scars slicing the back of her arm , hips , elbow  and shoulder. Like Her.

With mechanical movements he gives into lust . Intimacy was only with Her. They climax , finish up, she turns and falls into deep slumber. He doesn't even try to put an arm under her pillow like he had done with Her. He doesn't moves her hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear like he had done with Her. He doesn't hold this one through the night like he had done with Her. 

He can't sleep. He doesn't even try to fight it. The sun rises , she wakes up and puts on her clothes 'That was fun,' she says ' Should do this again.'  ' Yeah' he murmurs.

She leaves. He closes his eyes and succumbs to his memories.

خُدا حافِظ

Book Review : Every Day by David Levithan

Pages :  322

Read on : Kindle

Goodreads Rating : 4/5

Review :  Oh. My. God. This book was so unexpectedly beautiful that even now writing about it makes my heart heavy. Of course I picked it up for the unique story line. Little did I expect it to have such a lasting impression on me.

A is a person who wakes up in a new body everyday from the time he was born. We aren't told A's gender or age or any details of him that may define him as an individual. He has no friends , no idea where his family is and confides in no one about his condition. Until one day he wakes up in 17 year old Justin's body and meets his girlfriend Rhiannon and falls in love with her immediately.

There are plenty of YA fantasy and dystopian authors with the most compelling and mind boggling plot line but not many have been this poignant. 

This book is real. The situations that arise in this book are all relatable. A struggles in professing his love for Rhiannon and most of the time though Rhiannon eventually accepts it , the everyday changes in A makes it really difficult for her to be in a  consistent relationship. There are days when A becomes a woman , on those days he ( assuming ) notices that Rhiannon keeps a slight distance from him. There are days when A  may be an older guy , a disabled person , an obese teenager , a metal head , a maid , an alcoholic, a drug addict. He's lost count of all the people he has been , all the areas he has been in. But somehow , although not always he manages to make an effort and tries to be with Rhiannon and every time she sees him she needs to process who exactly he is ever so frequently. As a protagonist, A doesnt whine or constantly complaining about his condition , he has a very clear strategy to which he strictly adheres to and truly tries to  take the day as it comes.

The helplessness of the situation is heartbreaking but true. Just like in our day-to-day life ,we may have come across people who we really wish had stayed but it just didn't happen.This book primarily and on the whole questions the choices we make , who we are and what it's like to be in someone else's shoes. Time being an essential component in the novel also makes you realize the value of being just ordinary , of being just okay.

Seeing that most love stories , great love stories included, have either ended in cliched triumph or in death , this is one story where it has been abandoned due to situation, which genuinely and realistically tells you that love cannot conquer it all. So don't be surprised by the slightly philosophical shades in the book. 

Since the main topic is about not being able to have a fixed body of their own , the relationship between A and Rhiannon is very tender. There aren't a whole lot of times when Rhiannon has been physically attracted to him and A is hesitant in being intimate with her because he feels using someone else's body would be morally wrong. 

Rumor has it that David Levithan is set to publish a sequel to this book in 2015. Although the urge to know what will happen next and what other avenues A might explore in order to control his condition and be with Rhiannon  , I see this book as an excellent stand-alone. Yes , most readers might be annoyed by the fact that not a lot has been justified and all  arisen questions may have been left unanswered but that's the beauty of it! 

I personally feel that this book would be excellent for a book club discussion. The opinions and views that each one would have would be extremely diverse with a tinge of one's own philosophical essence. Some would want to nit pick on every detail and explore the driving force behind A's actions and some would want to try to work within the situation. A likely chance that an array of opinions would highlight  every possible angle in the story. Either way this book is a must read for all. Highly recommend it to anyone and everyone. 

Final Rating : 5/5

خُدا حافِظ

' It's called Patriarchy '

Safine looks out of the car window. There's nothing new she sees but it's very rare they get invited for a lunch Dawwat . Her Husband's eyes are focused on the road , beside him is his cousin Azmal who has joined them for the long Eid holidays. Safine looks at Nooraan , her youthful daughter , who has now plugged in her earphones and has completely zoned out.

 Nooraan pulls one her left earphone out ' Ammi , Najma aunty's Kofta curry was so good! I loved it more than the Daalcha.'

'Yes! I was quite surprised myself! It was a different style of preparation. Delicious nonetheless.' says Safine.

' Ammi , I didn't know Saleem Uncle does sewing too? He even alters his children's school uniforms when needed'

'He does ,' says Safine ' He and even Amjad helps his wife do the house work. Both men  cook , get their kids ready for school and finish up on other necessities. If they notice that their wives are away or busy or overwhelmed they don't turn a blind eye. They immediately get up and handle the cooking and cooperatively tend to their kids.'

' What great men they must be. Understanding and comprehending the true essence of marriage. That's how it should be'

'You can't really compare' says Azmal after overhearing the mother-daughter's conversation ' Men go out and work hours and deal with all sorts of stress. Their wives are working women so it is difficult to do all work. But If she's a housewife Isn't 8 hours enough to finish up all the house chores? your cleaning and cooking?'

'But Azmal a mother's work never ends. If only 8 hours were enough. Parenting is a life long job. You get two days in a week off. ' Safine calmly explains.

' Then you should raise your child well enough to help you in your responsibilities. If women cannot handle both work and professional life then stay at home. And If you are a stay-at-home mother then you should manage all the work. You can't have your cake and eat it too!' says Azmal.

' But bhaijaan we can say that too , right? Men also cannot have it all.' says Nooraan defensively.

'You can't match home stress to work stress, ' says Safine's husband  ' there is so much pressure on us , all sorts of tensions , children's education , work stress , financial stress. It's all very different. '

' Just because she is not an earning member does not mean her job is of any less value!' says an outraged Nooraan.

' None of our points are actually valid' says Azmal ' For a man to do housework is not Sunnat. '

And with that he ends it.

A defeated Safine looks out of the car window. Nooraan sits grumpily in her corner knowing well that there is no point arguing with elders. She looks at her mother who smiles meekly at her.
 She reaches out for her mother's hand ' Ammi , It's not Islam. Will a man be punished at Akhirah for helping his wife?! No. It's called Patriarchy. It's so deep rooted that it has blinded countless people.'

Safine looks away with hope draining from her eyes.

Photo Courtesy: Majid Saeedi

خُدا حافِظ

Torment

She lies in her bed wide awake. 2:58 am. Tormented by his thoughts. He's 3 hours behind . What would he be doing right now? Out may be , or just getting back home from a night out, tipsy and ready for thoughtless sleep.

She turns to her side , picks her phone from her bedside table and looks at the only picture she has of them together. Her auburn hair looks almost black, his blond hair seems almost platinum. The two evidence of their night starkly visible on his neck.

 That night still vivid in her mind like it happened just yesterday. Every moment stuck to her skin like oil and the undying  tender determination of the candle flame that lasted the night. It would be 8 months since she first met him , 8 months since she was broken. Now she was fixed but still not whole.

From the first glimpse they knew there was no turning back. They just couldn't. The anxious excitement to see each other refused to leave their nerves , the butterflies in their stomachs wouldn't stop fluttering for a moment and in those moments weeks passed by.

Now these memories wipe the smile off her face and inflict heartache. A sweet pain pulsates in her as though a shard of glass is stuck under her skin. Her mind goes back to what he might be doing. May be he is with someone new. Tall , slender , graceful , poised. The kind whose presence exudes radiance. Tangled in her arms , she'd drink up the deep pools of ocean of his eyes and he would let her as though he's at the mercy of a goddess. And here , half a world away , she's still where she was, the very thought of a stranger's touch reaching out to her makes her skin crawl.

She kicks her blanket away and walks to her mirror. She had lost a lot of weight in the past few weeks. Her skin looks dull and grey. Her eyes enveloped in darkness. Her once metallic red hair now lack luster.
 She closes her eyes and prays in her heart ' Ya Allah , What next? How much longer?'

                                                                   

                                                                            *

The day's work is over. He hangs around by the ocean aimlessly , letting his feet control him and take him wherever they wished. He's a wanderer , a nomad. In 8 months, he's gone about 4 or more places. You mustn't get attached. You keep moving. But what happens you lose your heart and mind so quickly it's like sanding slipping from your fingers. You just can't control it , it slips faster. 

The sun is soon to set. The soft breeze whispers ' Kashmiri apple' in his ears. He could almost hear it smile. He looks on , trying to escape the face that haunts his memories. A  sweet lingering aftertaste he's still reeling from. 

He never would have imagined her to be this fragile the first time he saw her, tiny , like a bird with a broken wing. How much he missed her nimble fingers. Even when she casually touched him , it was enough to make him wiggle. When she slipped her hands in his shirt , he'd try his best to stay still. When he kissed her , he caught her fingers and guided them to feel his racing pulse. That morning , when he pulled her palm to his cheek and slept soundly.

He couldn't forget how she would stand on her toes to kiss him and still be unable to reach him, how she snuggled closer to him in the middle of the night and sleepily murmured ' baby , I'm getting bad dreams' , how she would close her eyes and nod her head whenever he asked her something.

The memories overwhelm him , he shakes his head but his ears are still ringing. The sun is setting filling him with gloom. 'I will find my way to you and we will be together I promise you this' he makes a silent vow to no one. 

*

خُدا حافِظ